4th Runner-Up: Big Oil, although almost everyone seems to think Obama’s veto of the Keystone pipeline killed only the location, not the plan. 3rd Runner-Up: Newt Gingrich, whose former wife, Marianne, called him morally unfit to be president (although that seems to have sent him surging in the South Carolina polls).
2nd Runner-Up: Rick Perry, who stumbled from front-runner to dropout in near-record time. Only Herman Cain got there quicker, and he hadn’t fallen nearly as far or fast as Perry, who had 2% of the South Carolina vote when he quit. Will he get a cabinet offer? Since Cain dropped out first and dibsied Defense, Perry may have to settle for the Department of . . . um . . . you know.
1st Runner-Up: Mitt Romney, who did not have a good week. First there were the comparisons with his father who released 12 years of tax returns in 1968. Then there was the tax rate itself, which was “probably closer to the 15% rate than anything.” I am not sure what that means, except it is undoubtedly closer to 15% than my rate. Then came the Cayman Islands. And finally, it turns out he lost Iowa. But I like how he counts: his initial six-vote victory over Rick Santorum was a landslide; his 34-vote loss “a virtual tie.”
This Week’s Winner: Francesco Schettino, who after running the Costa Concordia aground off the Tuscan coast, claims that he “tripped” . . . directly into a lifeboat, where he was stuck for an hour and unable to get back aboard his sinking ship. He faces potential charges of manslaughter and abandoning ship.