3rd Runner-up: Rick Santorum’s tax returns, whose release has again been delayed so Santorum can consult with his accountant, even though he says he files his own returns. I have never understood the issue with tax returns. Didn’t he file them? If so, what does he need to go over with his accountant? Is he allowed to change them? Why not just release the ones he filed? (Meanwhile, his primary financial backer, Foster Friess, defended Santorum's somewhat peculiar position on contraception, telling Andrea Mitchell, “Back in my day they used Bayer aspirin for contraceptives. The gals put it between their knees, and it wasn't that costly.") 2nd Runner-up: “Fast Eddie,” aka Michael Maher, who was arrested in Ozark, Missouri, after being outed by his daughter-in-law as the legendary armed-car robber who disappeared from England with a million pounds in 1993.
1st Runner-up: Lee King, “Fast Eddie’s” son, whose wife of two months blew the whistle on the old man, but who then got outed on his own. Even though he is only 22, three former girl friends have appeared. They claim three children by him, plus one more on the way. Oh, and his wife is pregnant. Maybe Foster Friess is onto something.
This Week’s Winner: Saeid Moradi, the Iranian bomber, who mistakenly blew off the roof of his safe house in Bangkok. Badly wounded and bleeding profusely, he tried to hail a taxi, but the driver refused to pick him up. When police arrived, he threw a grenade at them, but it bounced back off a tree and blew his legs off. Which would all be amusing if this were a Keystone Kops movie instead of a deadly assassination tit-for-tat between Israel and Iran.