The re-election campaign has caused the president to consider major changes in his second-term cabinet in response to Republican criticisms of his World Apology Tour, runaway spending, the unappreciated role of the cavalry, the central importance of Bill Clinton and the shifting landscape.
- Secretary of State: Ima Sari
- Secretary of Defense: Smarty Jones
- Secretary of the Treasury: Outsourced to the idle printing presses of the Gannett Corporation
- Secretary of the Interior: To be abolished, as Republican-led state legislatures push ballot measures to take over western federal lands, including the Grand Canyon.
- Secretary of Health and Human Services: With GOP senate candidates declaring that pregnancies from rape are either an impossibility or a gift from God, the department will be downsized while Democrats bone up on other medical procedures besides abortion.
- Ambassador to the United Nations: Robert Toll of Toll Brothers (so we can do some nation building here at home)
- In addition, the Ambassador to Kenya will be elevated to full-cabinet status.
All other cabinet positions will be overseen by Bill Clinton, who will also be in charge of redecorating the White House for the 2017 inauguration of President-elect Hillary Rodham (Clinton).
Because of the magnitude of his two roles, the former president has assembled an advisory panel composed entirely of private citizens:
- Foreign Affairs: Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the Sofitel Hotel, New York City, and Paris, France.
- Domestic Affairs: Eliot Spitzer, New York, NY
- Public Affairs: Anthony Weiner, Brooklyn, NY
- Private Affairs: “That woman . . .