Disclaimer: Many of you were shocked by Wednesday’s report on Justice Scalia’s speech to NICE! and wanted to know more about the organization. Unfortunately there is no NICE!. While Wednesday’s post was satire, today’s story is entirely factual. The second in my series to humanize corporations takes us to a cookout and fireworks display hosted by the Corporations. Despite having been declared persons with ever-expanding constitutional rights (cf, fetuses, illegal immigrants) by the Supreme Court, the Corporations remain among the most misunderstood of Americans. Apparently, while their money is “speech,” it doesn’t talk to everyone.
The Corporations throw their annual July 4th party in their awesome house with the glass ceilings. ("They keep the ladies on their toes," joked Mr. Corporation.) Unlike some of the phonies I could mention on our block, the Corporations are real persons, whose history in America traces, not just to Citizens United in 2010, but all the way back to 1819 and the Dartmouth College case. Almost two centuries later they have extra reason to celebrate, as they have just gained freedom of worship as well as of speech
There are no more loyal Americans than the Corporations, who celebrate the Fourth of July as the day the colonists declared "no taxation without representation". "And we are working hard to bring those days back to America," they said, "so we can bring back the millions of jobs and billions of dollars we have had to keep overseas because, until this Supreme Court, we haven’t had a voice."