Fast forward to 2018. President Trump is giving a tour of his new wall. Surprisingly, he decided to build the northern one first. “We call it ‘Cruz Control,’” he said. “No more Cubano-Canadian presidential candidates sneaking down here. Everybody hates them.
“We’ll deal with the Mexican border later,” he added. “Right now we need the workers because of my huge business boom that's coming.”
Trump Construction, a subsidiary of The Trump Organization, built the wall, and much of its 5,525-mile length sits on land Trump Real Estate acquired through the recently expanded power of eminent domain.
“I couldn’t wait around for the thousands of pathetic negotiations,” Trump said. “I’m a leader. I do deals, and I needed to get this deal done.”
When Canada declined to pay for the wall, the Trump companies filed for Chapter 11 under the newly expanded bankruptcy law provision known as “the billionaires’ bailout,” which provides government-backed insurance for investors deemed too great to fail.
“That stupid kid [Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau] wouldn’t even negotiate,” fumed Trump. “What a loser.”
Trudeau noted that the logo-emblazoned Trump Tower Tollbooths make it harder for Americans to cross into Canada to get affordable health care.
Asked why he hadn’t put his business holdings in a blind trust – or at least stepped down as Trump chairman – the president responded, “Are you kidding? I’m a businessman, not a politician. I'm not missing out on the greatest eight business years in history.
“What conflict of interest?
“I put the me in America.”